I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
