Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
