I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
