You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
