So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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