Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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