Redeem this text for a blowjob
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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