I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
