Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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