my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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