Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
