You can't motorboat a personality
it was like his penis was on wheels.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
