her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
