I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
is that a dick in a sweater?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
