not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My feet surprised me
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