I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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