ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
