This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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