i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
