If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
