I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
