He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
