hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
