Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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