in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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