i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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