So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
