Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
