He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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