THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
