I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
