i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
