i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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