normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
