never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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