I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
