But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
