I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
