Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
