YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
