Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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