she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
