TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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