two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
