My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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