Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Where is the hickey?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
