Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
