I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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