Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
