I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just invented taco cereal.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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