forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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